Write From the Heart
Our #1 requested operation.

What We Do
Two circular incisions are made in the heart wall, and tubes are attached. The tubes emerge from the left of the sternum, where they are joined in a combined valve-and-nozzle, to which a special Bob's Poetic Surgery Shack pen can be attached.

How it Works
Blood from the heart can be released into the pen when the valve is opened, otherwise it is routed back in the blood system by means of the second tube. This second tube also takes care of inevitable overspill when you pause for thought during composition. If you ever do, that is.

ENVELOP WITH THE HEART


What We Do
This is where Bob's patented Zipperooni™ technology really comes into its own.  After appropriate incisions and stretching, the heart and chest wall are resealed with fast-opening zips.

How it Works
When you want to envelop someone with your heart, two unzipping motions are all it takes to allow you to stretch out the walls of your cardiac organ to wrap around the head of your loved one.

NB: Fits most heads - larger heads may require additional flaps.

LAY THE HEART BARE


What We Do
Bet you thought this would be a simple cut-and-shut job.  Not so! The hingework alone is the work of master craftsmen.

The ribs are cut at suitable intervals, then hinged for fast exposure of the heart.  A Zipperooni™ zip down the centre of the chest completes the work.  Note that hinges can be finished in gilt or lapis lazuli at additional cost.

Shatter the Heart

What We Do
The heart is encased in steel whilst still inside your chest.  Liquid nitrogen is then introduced into the steel casing.  The handle of a small piston hammer protrudes from the front of the casing and juts out from the chest.

How it Works
When you (or, indeed the ungrateful bitch/bastard who's just dumped you) are ready, a sharp smack to the piston hammer handle will shatter your heart immediately.